Pregnancy Moment...Purple marks. Lets just say I was so prideful and kept saying I refuse to let these buggers show up on my body....Stretch Marks. I was a definite advid lotion putter oner. I would slather my belly, legs, and back with creams and oils. Checking in the mirror every night to see if there were any changes or hints of them showing up. I am 32 weeks and I was pretty confident I wouldn't get them if I hadn't seen any by now. Well I was wrong...once again. My first pretty (NOT) silver purple lightning streaks showed up. They are super little...but still my pride was dampered. I wanted to be able to say I walked away from my first pregnancy with out them. But while on Pintrest I found a fun little quote that made me feel better. Hahahahhaha I love it :)
Well I must say everything has been going perfect. Benson and I have been balancing our money, paying bills, paying tithing, being able to put away money into savings and to be honest I was so confident and comfortable in our budgeting. I was so happy being more dependant than a lot of newly wed couples that have a baby on the way. I felt so good about our future. We definitly don't make a lot but we make enough to not qualify for state assistance so we have to be careful on what we spend money on but we were comfortable. Then the wrench came....taxes. It has ruined everything messed up our savings and has me stressing so much. I now feel overwhelmed and have no idea what we are going to do. I personally hate relying on others for finacial situations. I don't want to be the money mooch. I don't want others to look at me like I'm being lazy and not making an effort to be independent from the assistance of others. But we are definitly in a rut. With Benson going back to school full-time, having our little man coming in May, and now this set back....I feel so overwhelmed.
In reality I know that this whole thing is just a trial that has been sent to us, and that there is a lesson to be learned from it. I know Heavenly Father knows us and he won't give us anything we can't handle. He wanted to push us out of our comfort zone and wanted us to recognize that this will test our faith. I have been praying to let Heavenly Father know my thoughts and feelings and I really need guidance right now. My answer came when Bense and I had an amazing conversation with Benson's parents. I just love them so much. They have the greatest advice and are just some the most amazing individuals I've ever known. I'm so grateful for my relationship that I have with them (because I know many people who don't care for their in-laws). I am now feeling a lot better about our situation after listening to their insite. I know that we have full support from both sides of our family and in the end it is going to be fine and work out. I know personally that we just need to involve the Lord more in our lives. He is always waiting to hear from us and he wants to help us. But we need to have humility and come to him in prayer.
I think this trial has also prepared me for General Conference this weekend. A couple weeks ago Bense and I had been invited by our married friends to come over and have Family Home Evening. It was one of the best lessons that I've had. It was about preparing yourself for conference. I had made a goal for myself that this year I need to sit down and really take in and appreciate conference. But I thought to myself...I don't really feel like I'm looking for anything specific to be answered or for and particular advice. Well...a couple weeks later I am realizing how wrong I was. I do have many things that I am searching for in Conference this week. I have my notebook, snacks and my comfortable home to sit by myself (Bense is working :( ) and really take in conference. So I am patiently waiting for 10:00am to start...I am ready for a spiritually uplifting weekend!!!
